The Black Blog

Throw and Behold


True or false?
 
Running a luxury gifts business means that you never have to go elsewhere when buying gifts for friends and family.
 
You’d think that it was TRUE, wouldn’t you? That I had posed a bit of an idle question in order to stir some enthusiasm in you on this rather uneventful Tuesday afternoon (so far).
 
It is however a baffling falsehood for it seems that friends and family, particularly on special occasions, are looking for a little more creativity than the kind that involves a hop, skip and a fumble through the stock room the night before such occasions.
 
It is worth inserting here that the first and indeed second time that this was my MO, gifts were met with joy and rapture; particularly cashmere throws. Thereafter, it is apparently not on.  
 
So this led me a few weekends ago to do what other people do and gift shop for a wedding in June. It felt like a betrayal as I pictured in my mind’s eye shelf upon shelf at Black, brimming with cashmere, silk and leather goodness, fairly priced and at arm’s reach.
 
 
 
 
I ended up instead in the eponymous store of a famous American lifestyle designer on Old Bond Street in London. Plenty of wedding-perfect gifts; silver cocktail sets, chinaware, ink wells, throws, mugs, table linen, rugs, trinket boxes.  I picked a small tan leather picture frame with a fine golden rim. I looked at the back and underneath the gold embossed brand logo I read ‘Made in India’ and a price tag of £115. I figured that the happy couple would like it especially once it had been trussed-up Mayfair-style with ribbons and boxes.
 
However, I later had a bit of a shock when I was handed the Pay Cell asking me to authorise the amount of £215.  No, thank you.  I had thought that £115 was pushing it for an Indian-made leather frame and was well aware of the profit margin that they would have applied to get it to that price. But £215 ventured into the ludicrous.  As I left the store empty-handed, I noticed it had been empty apart from me and it’s no wonder.
 
So I am still left without a gift. Perhaps this is because I cannot accept that there is any better wedding gift than this cashmere throw. It is an item that combines luxury with everyday use and, for the purchaser at least, great value at £195.
 
 
What would you give?

Black Blanket Babylon Boulevard


 
Recessions do strange things to language.  Here are some examples*:
 
1) Recessionista
2) Staycation
3) Scrappage
4) Chiconomise
5) Glamping (what IS this?)
 
 
Jamming together unsuspecting words is what does it, I think. I knew someone who forbade himself and those in his company to use the word ‘television’ because it is a greek/latin mutant. He liked things etymologically congruent. I recall saying ‘telly’. We are no longer friends.  
 
This language is made up of words that subvert our recession-serious sensibilities. They appear playful but beneath the surface they are Tim Burton creepy. I don’t even know what glamping means, but I don’t like the sound of it. Perhaps I am confusing this with Nineteen Eighty-Four Newspeak. Could be.  But if this language outlives the recession I’ll eat my hat. I will. Watch me. (On YouTube).
 
I am not blameless. I have dabbled in the dark-arts of word-abuse. I may have strung together words that plainly should not co-exist. Just look at the title of this blog entry.  Total nonsense.
 
I saw a sign saying ‘Beach Blanket Babylon Boulevard’ in San Francisco. Up until then, I had believed that this wordy concoction had been thought up by the owners of Beach Blanket Babylon; a restaurant/nightclub in Notting Hill. Its origins therefore were elsewhere. I have ruthlessly skewered my own ‘Black’ agenda onto this hapless sign in order to show to those willing to see that Black is now selling some truly heavenly Italian cashmere throws. Really, it’s got nothing to do with anything. And I rather like that.
 
And this is my point (gasp, relief). This language is meant to deliver us from heavy perfect-Latin gloom and take us to a place where some things don’t have to have meaning or make sense. Black Blanket Babylon Boulevard, for instance.
 
* Any other examples are warmly welcomed. Feel free to drop a comment.